I should let Riley know what’s happening with teaching. On June 8, 1997 I wrote to him “I feel for the first time in my 53 years that I don’t really know where I’m going with my life. In a way I like it, but there’s this nagging pressure to produce some income. I’d probably be happier if I was. It’s been about 5-1/2 years.” Later in the month I filled out the personal mission statement for the Peacemaker Order. At that time it was in preparation for talking with Bernie about what I want to do with my life. For the circle I left blank at the middle of the mandala I can now put teaching in it.
When I lost my job as administrator, August 5, 1997, at the Center I knew I had to do something practical, fast. Everybody was talking about the demand for teachers, and how massive hiring was going on under the emergency permit, because of the classroom size reduction law. In fact, this was in August, just before the new school year was about to start. So I decided to do it. As soon as I did there was a sense of liberation and of grounding, of things falling into place. I left phone messages for ZCLA residents who are teaching.
The first one to get back to me was Bob Sandberg. He brought me the CBEST brochure within a day, but it turned out the deadline for late registration for the August 9 administration had been August 5. I signed up on August 12 for the next administration of the CBEST, which would be in October.
Meanwhile, Patrick Joyce came by on August 11. He told me about what he’s doing, substituting at one school in Torrance. He gave me the number for Cal State Dominguez Hills, so I could go to an orientation to find out about their credentialing program. He gave me the name and URL of the CTC, where I found descriptions of the credential requirements and a list of the other schools that have credential programs. He told me to get a copy of the LAUSD application form. I called up Cal State LA, found the date for their information meeting (August 13) and went. His list of things to do was extremely helpful in getting me started.
On August 13 I went to the Information Meeting at Cal State LA on Credential Programs, and decided that that’s where I would apply to take classes while I worked under an Emergency Credential.
Around this time I got 2-3 library books on the nobility of the profession. Helped me feel really good about my choice. Finished reading The Elements of Teaching by Banner and Cannon on 9/9.
I talked with Jake Gage September 7 at the Council Leaders Training, which is when he recommended I visit classrooms. Jack Zimmerman told me about Akani Fletcher that day, and my first meeting with him was a week later, on September 15. So almost from the start there was a connection between teaching and doing some kind of dialog work in the classroom.
Then the first meeting of the memoir class was Sept. 30, although I was in Solvang that day. I went to the second meeting on Oct. 7. The connection between Maureen and Jack Zimmerman was amazing. They had worked together establishing the Council program at Crossroads School.
Note that I did the Period Log just before starting the Memoir class. So writing the memoirs was a chance to bring things up to this current period of Going Into Teaching, combining the streams of the Progoff Journal and writing Memoirs.
Period Log 9/26/97 – Going Into Teaching
I see myself in front of a classroom of children. All the other things I have been falling away. All my concerns about power and technology. Just entrusted with the many miracles of each young life. The feeling of wanting to give more than I take. Of rising above the narrow views we sink into and bringing the magnificent hope of life and the future to each child. The children are the hope of the future. I have much to give them. It is a time of harvest and giving back.
When did this period start? When I lost my job as Chief Administrator of ZCLA.
Memories? How quickly, strongly, and clearly teaching came up.
Special Events? The interview for the administrator job. Finding out Mui got it. Dokan bringing the CBEST brochure.
Arguments, angers, physical fights? Upsets with Mary when my focus drifts away.
Friendship or loving? As always, Mary’s love. The friendship of Mui. The warmth and kindness of Bernie and Jishu. The friendship of Genro.
Family relationships? Rebecca is great.
Social activities? The Council Training circle was great.
Inner experiences? Continuing further deeper melting away of rigidity, working with Akani, starting precepts with Egyoku, letting go of successful, high-powered image.
Dreams? I’ve been dreaming kind of a lot but haven’t written anything down and don’t recall any right now. (but see 12/7-9, 97).
Inspirations? Really seeing myself as a teacher, the bodhisattva, not the limited griper.
Period Image 9/26/97 – Going Into Teaching
Dancing with the children. Making circles. Off into the woods. Protecting them. Letting them explore. Sharing survival skills. Making a fire and sitting around it.
Correlation – The image is a little more poetic than the log, but both are focused on the children. The whole thing, including the correlation, is about seeing, feeling, experiencing myself as a teacher of young children, as a gift to their future, as a way for me to give more than I have taken.
Most of October and November was the Memoir Class and studying with Akani, after the Council Facilitators training at ZCLA. I did one classroom visit before going in for my initial processing with the district in January.
To follow up on Jake Gage’s advice from the Council training, I called Carol Robertson about visiting her school. In October 1997 I got a note from Carol: “Sorry I didn’t call you. Yes, I spoke to Cathy Flores, first grade teacher, mentor for District Intern Program. She said you are welcome to come to Wilton Place and visit her class. She is in the main building (where the office is) Room #214. If you come on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday you can see how she does group rotations in the a.m.. School begins at 8am and you should see her at the start of the day, so get there a little before 8 to sign in at office. Recess is at 9:15 to 9:40 approximately. Lunch is at 11:30.” She drew a map with a note: “ In the morning all the children line up on the white circles. If you come and sign in before 8:00, come outside to where all the kids are and I can introduce you to Mrs. Flores”.
10/15/97 – Visited Cathy Flores first grade class until lunchtime. Talked with her some during recess and lunch. She’s a mentor for the District Intern Program. Recommended it very highly.
But I can say something here about what it felt like to be in the classroom with Kathy. Those little children felt so alive. I really found them inspiring.
Talking with her afterwards about visiting other grade levels, she said I should talk with Linda Williams, the vice-principal.
Oct. 18 – Took the MSAT.
I wrote down dreams three nights in December. The dates are the morning after, when I wrote them down.
12/7/97 – Me and two other guys walking down a dusty mountain road. Sort of like coming down from Stonehill in Santa Cruz Mountains. Maybe Tommie Ritchie, Jimmie Gessner, or Garry Garrow (my fifth and sixth grade buddies). I’m saying, “You see the same faces every day, sometimes 7 or 8 times a day.” We look at each other and smile and grok (our faces overlap into each other, semi-transparent). I continue, “Sometimes you wonder ‘What the hell are we doing here?’” As I say this, up on the hill above us are 3 electric guitar players, one of them gently sings that same line. They are simple cartoon like gentle pale colors. “Sometimes you wonder ‘What the hell are we doing here?’” strikes all 3 of us as especially profound and memorable. One of the guys says ”We should stop and sign our names, as a memory that we had this moment together.” I say, “This is what Bob Dylan meant when he said ‘I embrace chaos’”. I repeat it a second time, and wake up. Comment – Re-entering the city with bliss bestowing hands. Recalling elementary school friends.
12/7 – Writing this I remember another section, where I’m going through comfortable underground rooms looking for Mary. I think she might be drifting to flirt and hang out with some men. I find her. She’s picking out a sleeping bag for us. Before finding Mary I had been lightly flirting with a tiny woman who was a little like Kathy Irwin but was somebody else I knew somewhere else. I mentioned she looked heavier. She pointed out I was getting quite a midsection. I strongly denied it. Also, before going through many of the rooms I was playing with a very cute 3 or 4 year old girl who was like a guardian of the door and tested me that I was completely safe to get right up in my face. I passed easily and continued on.
Comment: Proof from my subconscious that I can be trusted with the little children I will be responsible for.
12/8/97 – Operating a winch and pulleys, I pull an engine up through a space that’s like threading a needle. A 6-7 ton engine with 1/16th” clearance on either side. At the same time somebody’s working with a gasoline tanker truck right next to us. Very dangerous if anyone makes a mistake. Amazingly successful extremely difficult heavy lifting and precision work. I needed help getting it up the first couple of inches. Walked away to get the help and when I got back it was done. Mark Phillips then tried to help but it was too late. Possibly the one who helped put it over the top had been Warren. Comment – Pulling the engine through the dangerous space is like me making my career transition into teaching. Somehow having been in touch with Warren (when was that?) might have helped.
12/9/97 – A bunch of stuff about the Farm. Walking around in beautiful fields after the Farm is no longer there, telling somebody I used to live here. Then there are some people there. A later generation. I think I’m walking with Stephen, watching them enjoy themselves. At one point I walk into the group and I’m delighted by a bright white light that emanates. I exclaim The Light! is so bright. Wow. Then I have a discussion with somebody who vaguely seems like Stephen. I insist I wasn’t ever at the Farm, not even for a second, not even for a millisecond. He says you were almost there for a millisecond. I say “‘Almost there for a millisecond’ means I wasn’t there at all.” Comment – Evidence from my subconscious that I can teach in the present without being impacted by hippie karma from the past.
Jan. 8, 1998 – Went in for initial processing at LAUSD. One thing I can say is I was opened up by the suggested reading list they gave us to prepare for substituting. Found the range of the education section in the downtown library. Started looking at many different aspects of teaching.
1/26/98 – Wilton Place – Mrs. Williams started the day by letting me know she was short four teachers and we would have to do some emergency classroom coverage before I could visit Mr. Benda’s fifth grade class most of the day. His energy was great. (I should say something more than that about the experience of visiting his class). Started in Mrs. Clark’s 2nd grade class, to help support the aide, while Mrs. Clarke was visiting an elementary school library. Quite revealing contrast in ability. The Hispanic aide didn’t have very good English skills and virtually no classroom control skills. But the kids were really well trained.
I ran into Mrs. Yoon as I was going over to Mr. Benda’s classroom. I showed her my note about visiting, but she said, “I don’t want to see that. I want to see your resume”. And Carol Willliams told me later in the day that she thinks Mrs. Yoon will grab me right up. They really need me. Well, we’ll see. I’m going to my interview for the district intern program tomorrow. Then Mrs. Williams has me visiting some other classes on Wednesday and Thursday. Friday they have no school (teacher development day). I should bring a clean resume with me Wednesday.
1/27/98 – Did my appointment to interview for the District Intern program. I was interviewed by Jose Gonzalez. He congratulated me and said I am now on the TTC, the District Intern Approved List. Walked me over to meet Carla Smotherman, the director of the program. She also congratulated me and said she’ll see me at the Informational Meeting Saturday. I will be getting a letter in late April-early May inviting me to the Orientation Meeting. If I haven’t gotten the letter by Cinco de Mayo I should call her. They both seemed very pleased to welcome me into the program.
In the meantime, I should keep doing my observing, and finish my processing as a substitute on Feb. 10. Then I can start subbing until I start the intern program.
1/29/98 – Wilton Place – It was raining pretty hard. When I got to Wilton people were straggling in late and wet. Mrs. Williams was far more overwhelmed than on the other days. She started by telling me it’s a “roving” day, which is apparently a day of track transition, where teachers from all 3 tracks are there at the same time and they are helping each other change over the classrooms. She said it’s not a good day to be doing classroom observation. And then with the rain things were really messy. She asked me to go to the classroom next door to her office and wait for Mrs. Yoon. I told her that since I’ll be observing at another school next week, I’d like to talk with her before I leave today about what to do next if I’m interested in working there. She said fine.
There was a class of first or second graders with no teacher or aide, quietly waiting for something to happen. They gathered around me to ask what was going on. I asked them what their morning routine was and we started working through it together. It was really fun for me. Mrs. Williams made an announcement over the speaker after a couple of minutes that several teachers still hadn’t arrived, and if you are an aide in one of those classrooms, prop your door open and let the teacher next door know your situation. After about 15 minutes of working with the kids and sort of self-generating the routine, the aide showed up and I left to find Mrs. Williams. She said that she had to send the aide over there because I’m not certificated yet and so she can’t leave the class with me alone. She was rushing off to a parent meeting.
1/31/98 – Went to District Intern Program Information Meeting at Eagle Rock High School. This session was for people working on an elementary credential. Mary Lewis talked about the philosophy of the program. It is an opportunity to teach and learn to teach at the same time. She says it is an extremely rigorous program. You must always be willing to do more than is expected. You have to do a lot of planning. They offer a balance of theory and application, with the emphasis much more on application than in university credential programs. You will be told what content/curriculum you are prescribed to teach. They emphasize that you are an advocate for the children. You will provide a safe space for the students.
Then she described the content of the program. First is a 120-hour orientation. (Does that mean 3 weeks at 40 hours a week? I better find out when this is held). One thing you will have at the end of the orientation is a 2-week plan for your first 2 weeks of teaching. Then during the two years, while you are teaching you are taking classes every Thursday from 4 to 8 PM. You must attend all of them. And during the two years there are ten all-day Saturdays per year, from 8AM-4PM.
At the end of the two years you have a credential provided you have done the following: You have to teach a prescribed number of days during the 2 year program, and receive satisfactory evaluations from your school administrator. You will be assembling something called the Professional Development Portfolio, which you present at the end of the 2 years. And you will complete something called the Professional Development Plan. You then receive a Professional Clear California Credential. (not Preliminary or Probationary). Recognized wherever a California credential is recognized. Starting pay is $31,000 per year, with full benefits, including paid vacations, holidays, sick pay.
2/2/98 – Hobart – Spent the day observing in Mr. Guzman’s second grade class. Every student had a Hispanic surname. Half were writing in Spanish, half in English. He’s been teaching there 7 years. Rainy day. The aide, a Japanese-American woman, has been at Hobart 25-30 years. She’s very articulate. Primarily works on English language skills with 5 students identified as gifted.
2/3/98 – Hobart – Observed Mrs. Watanabe’s 5th grade class today. She’s been teaching for 30 years. Really good, old fashioned teacher. Not a lot of frills. Has really developed a natural mastery. Very rainy day. First 40 minutes in the morning for everybody at Hobart is Oral Language Arts, not necessarily ESL. Pledge of allegiance, something I think from the Declaration of Independence, and the DARE Pledge. Social Studies: Walked them through how to think about reading the paragraph and answering. More individual face-to-face time guiding kids than I’ve seen from any of the other teachers.
Notice I was meaner with Rebecca after visiting Mrs. Watanabe’s fifth grade class. I need to keep track of how being a teacher and being a parent interact with each other.
2/5 – I went back to the library to renew some books and found Waging Peace. Connects to bodhisattva vision (as did connection with Sheila Lamb, mediation, council at Palms. I’ll probably expand on this at some point).
2/10/98 – Went in to complete my processing as a sub. Noticed that the back of the form had some books on classroom discipline. Went right over to the library but none of them were even in the catalog system. So I went over to Borders to see if they had any of them. They didn’t but I discovered the whole genre critical of the education establishment. And Parker Palmer’s “The Courage to Teach”.
2/20/98 – Got my first call and went out on my first day of substitute teaching. Feel pretty exhilarated. First day of teaching. It all seems to be going pretty fast. The only downside seems to be the low pay. Well, not the only one, but that stands out. But this brings up the Mastering Successful Work slogan cards about making excuses.
Currently reading in The Courage to Teach, Waging Peace in Our Schools, and Educating for Character by Thomas Lickona. So far Lickona feels deeply satisfying. Connects with my original inclination in 1985 to be writing about values. Now the possibility of really putting moral intelligence to work.
The idea of bodhisattva work. Of course this is a very old idea for me. I’ve connected to it in maybe the most satisfactory way ever yet. Finding one’s calling from the perspective of Zen practitioner. Balances out low pay. Where will you turn the dharma wheel? Doing a plunge, (and how that’s defined).
The reading I’m doing right now that speaks to the bodhisattva aspect of teaching is Educating for Character at the same time as reading Zen Awakening and Society. Beginning to probe into the overlap between the two questions, what values do you teach in the school and what does Zen say about morality, ethics and values in society. Lickona says the two main values we can agree on to teach are respect and responsibility.
I’ve been browsing and reading about Neal Cassady on the web today. I want to break through any resistances about understanding how to be a positive moral force for my kids and the reality of what I did and thought in the sixties. The trigger today was finding an interview with three of Neal Cassady’s kids. What jumped out at me was phrases about how strongly they say Neal wanted to be a good husband, a good father, a good provider. Somehow Neal was my first guru. At the time he represented for me the rejection of domestication. I took him as the archetype of total irresponsibility. But that’s my reading, through the lens of Kerouac (and to a lesser extent Kesey and Ginsberg). But there’s another part of Neal that was lived in real life, not just on the page. As one kid said, he worked as a brakeman for 12 years providing for his kids, and that was no mean feat.
Letting go of the idea of being an executive is easier said than done. I’ve been feeling a yearning to be earning more like 100,000 a year rather than 31,000. Need to talk with Mary about where we want to go with our lives. And of course grasping is the cause of suffering. I’d like to generate wealth by doing good.
Writing this while teaching should help make it all work together, make sense, be truly satisfying
Helping birth a thriving life planetary consciousness