Written for my 1976 B.A. Portfolio for Antioch.
1. Describe the learning setting. Include where it took place, the role of other persons who were involved with you, and any materials and methods employed which assisted your learning.
Hathaway Children’s Village is located five miles up Old Tujunga Canyon into the Angeles National Forest. It is the site of the old Paradise Ranch of Cecil B. DeMille, where he hid away from Hollywood and sometimes made movies. In his will the land was given to be a children’s home, utilizing the fine old rustic lodges as residences and administrative offices. In 1972 construction of an ambitious new plant directly adjacent to the “Old Ranch” as it came to be known, was completed, and the new Hathaway Children’s Village opened. This was a 3.9 million dollar plant, funded one third by state, one third by federal, and one third by private money. When I came to work, in November of 1974, the main buildings in the new ranch were the school, the administration building, the intensive treatment unit, the gym and pool, and the circle of five large duplexes.
I was hired to be a houseparent in the duplexes. These were designed for children who had less difficult problems than those in the ITU. The other persons I was involved with included the children in our cottage, my shift partners, supervisors, other cottage staff, including the therapist, the children and staff in the rest of the circle, and the children and staff on the rest of the ranch.
There was no training offered. I was hired as a floater, which meant that I would be filling in in whichever cottage (each duplex comprises two cottages) there was a shortage that week. A forty hour shift consisted of staying round the clock for fifty six hours, with time off the clock for two eight hour nights of sleep. Each week the floater would be notified where he would work the next week and which three days he would work. My “orientation” consisted of one week in which I was given an eight hour day in each of the duplexes. At each step in these early days I was told that just by hanging back and watching you could learn all that had to be learned about how to perform in the job. Every Friday all the cottages have staff meetings and this is how all the information is exchanged between all the various shifts. The weekly staff meeting is the second teaching resource available, after the primary source of trial and error from watching your shift partners.
After three months I was hired onto the weekend shift, in cottage one and two. This had been, ever since the new Village opened two years previously, the only all girls’ cottage. A few weeks before I transferred to the cottage, the administration suddenly shifted half of the girls to other cottages and other placements, and sent in six boys from the ITU and other cottages. The staff in I/II was very upset, as they had been given no warning and they had finally stabilized their situation after about a year of very hard work. The cottage therapist quit and a new therapist was hired. She was so overwhelmed by the anger she felt coming from all the staff that she told the supervisor she would not be able to work with them. She asked that seven of the ten staff be fired or she would quit. The supervisor said this would be impossible, and the new therapist quit. At this point I was hired into the cottage, to replace a female staff member who had also quit at this time.
2. Describe your participation and responsibilities in this setting.
As a floater, a position which I held my first three months at Hathaway, I was more involved in housework than direct child care, for two reasons. First, the regular cottage staff is familiar with the particular children they have to deal with, and the basic groundrules and assumptions of the cottage. In each of the cottages the style of treatment would differ, sometimes quite radically. This made the floater’s main task that of trying to tune in to what changes had taken place in a cottage since his last assignment there, and to stay out of strong parenting situations, involving controversial judgments. This left the housework as the domain of the floater. Second, being new, even in any one of the cottages, I would have had to observe for a while to get a feeling for the assumptions of the cottage, given that there is no instruction in this regard. Anyway, as a floater I simply learned the feel and the general groundrules of the place, lending a hand at each part of the day from wakeup through mealtimes, activities, and bedtime.
As a regular member of the I/II staff I was able to eventually settle into a regular routine of seeing the same children every week at the same time. This is important to them, as a main characteristic of these children is that they have been taken from their parents, for whatever reason, and are in need of a stable adult figure in their lives. The first couple of months in the cottage were devoted to letting the uproar of the big switchover mentioned above settle down. The staff was angry, the girls were angry, and the boys were angry. In the midst of this difficult situation I was to learn the basic duties of the houseparent.
Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I was responsible, with my two shift partners, a woman and another man, for the six girls and six boys who lived in our cottage. On Fridays we were in staff meetings from 10:30 am to 2 pm, discussing what had gone on all week and sharing experiences about the children. Then Tim and Erica and I were left alone with the children until 9 am the next Monday morning. Some of the responsibilities that I shared included the following:
Waking the children, feeding them, helping them to keep the cottage clean, supervising them in activities including swimming, bike riding, gym activities, arts and crafts in the cottage, and playing outdoor games in the circle of cottages. I was responsible for running meetings involving children and staff, giving the children their (psychotropic and other) medication, disciplining children who broke the rules, putting the children to bed, and writing up in the log book what had happened during the day.
Let me say something about my participation and responsibilities in setting up a study program to document for Antioch. On August 1, 1975, I sent a letter to Mara Seideman, Administrator of Child Care Services, which appears after Section #7 below. This was my first formal attempt to get an evaluator for this program, after informal attempts had failed. I met with Mara and her assistant, Terry O’Connell, who is the Coordinator of Child Care Services. We decided that each of us would make a list of what we thought should be included in my program at Hathaway, and that we would bring these lists in and compare them when we met the next time.
When we next met and compared our lists we were surprised to find that there was a significant amount of overlap. We decided that I would take all three lists home and make a set of index cards with one item on each. I did this and wrote up an explanatory sheet about the cards which appears following the lists.
Mara then spent a few weeks organizing all the cards into these main groups: things I could do on my own in the cottage; things that would require extra time outside the cottage on other units; topics to be discussed in supervision with her or Terry; and a reading list.
At this point I told them I was about to start writing up my degree plan and I wanted to see how Hathaway was going to fit with the rest of my program. I took a conservative approach to the Degree Plan, and only listed those subjects which came under the heading, Things I can do on my own in the cottage.
For a long time we were unable to meet because of time conflicts. Then when we finally did meet again the meeting was colored by some difficulty I was having in my cottage. Terry asked me to start one of the basic projects we had outlined, and also to work out my difficulties with my shift supervisor, Andrea Manning. The next week I was able to begin both these items and I felt that I had begun my Hathaway/Antioch program.
The next week Terry asked me to meet with her in her office. She had apparently read my degree plan for the first time and was very angry about the approach that I was taking, which she called “extremely unprofessional.” I told her that I had been having some disagreements with the policies in my cottage and she told me in that case the only honest thing to do was leave immediately, and she repeated this over and over again. I felt that since she is the second top administrator in my department I had very little choice. So the formal program ended as soon as we got started. And so did the job. But I’m sure that the learning that took place in my thirteen months at Hathaway is still being absorbed and integrated.
3. Describe new skills and/or knowledge derived from this learning activity which contribute to your Degree Plan.
Our cottage changed a lot in the nine months I worked there. Our weekends started off very casual, a time to relax from the concerns of the school week. We went on an average of two “off-hill” outings per week for the first few months. But then there was a major shakeup in the administration, and the new people wanted a much more uniform program between the weekdays and weekends. This put a lot of structure into our weekends. Our “off-hill” days were changed to Monday only. Suddenly the three of us had the children approximately twice as many hours as the other shifts, because of the five hours a day they spent in school the other days. We had them with none of the support staff that worked during the week, such as the cottage therapist and supervisors. Most of the other cottages had four staff, we had three. Ours was the only cottage where less than half the children went on home visits for the weekend.
When we asked in the staff meetings how to deal with this situation we were told to impose a very tight schedule on the children and see to it that we were always moving them as a group through this schedule. This way we would not have the difficulty of dealing with twelve individuals through such a long unbroken stretch of time. We did so and for the last few months all the skills and knowledge I acquired were in the field of group management of children, in a behavior modification setting. That is to say, any child who did not follow the schedule was by definition anti-social, and it was our task to modify his behavior by rewards and punishments, until he would conform with the schedule. I learned how to cook three meals a day (with my partners) for nine children (usually three of the twelve went home for the weekend). I learned how to keep clean a large building which was constantly being messed up by angry and disturbed children. I learned how to give a good massage to six little boys that would calm them down enough that they could fall asleep at night. I learned how to break up fights between children who were constantly acting out on the sense that somebody had deprived them of something very important. I learned how to talk through a seemingly infinite range of upsets and angers and frustrations that a child could present. I learned to be steady and firm yet kind over a long period of time to provide such an adult role model possibly for the first time in the lives of many of these children. I learned to talk with adults who were sharing this same role with me, and to share our insecurities and victories. I learned how to “run an activity,” that is to take six boys or girls who maybe didn’t want to be in the art room or the gym, and provide them with motivation and structure and instructions enough to keep them involved for an hour. I learned to wake up a group of children who maybe didn’t have anything to look forward to in the day and make it a pleasant experience to face the day, by gentle coaxing and a slow supportive conversation giving them an idea of what good things they could expect out of the day.
I learned to deal with the children who often resented you even being there because you weren’t their parent, and in fact you became the recipient of their anger because you were the only one around to take it out on. This was the most difficult skill, to keep my emotional balance while a child to whom I try to be supportive insists on treating me as a mortal enemy. Multiply this by a dozen and stay with it round the clock three days a week, and this equanimity can be difficult to maintain. But it is necessary. And then add to that the fact that many of the adults around you are confused by a lack of clarity in the institutional message, and you have their emotional problems to deal with too. Ostensibly the staff meetings were the place to air this, but there was so little value placed on self- disclosure and so much on maintaining the structure that the real learning is how to transmute this frustration without any in-house support. I learned that an absolutely necessary part of the job was to work through these frustrations with friends and counselors on my days off. Otherwise there was no support system and I found myself taking in all of these accumulated angers and having no place to let them out. But to keep a level head and start out fresh each week in that setting was acquiring a definite skill.
4. Self-Assessment: Evaluate this learning activity. Mention such things as the quality of the experience itself and its personal significance to you.
Quality: Hathaway has made me very angry. I feel the quality of the effort that I made there was very high but that the administrative messages to the children and the staff were frequently very inconsiderate. I went through a two month period when I was the only person in the cottage Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, who had any experience or information about how to take care of the children. This was eventually damaging to my health but I was treated as if this were not at all unusual. I was asked to tear apart 11 year old girls’ rooms to teach them what an awful thing it is to smoke cigarettes (see enclosed letter). I tried to the best of my ability to comply with what I thought were very irrational policies. When I expressed how difficult it was for me to do this I was told to leave immediately, and not even say goodbye to the people I had worked with for over a year. I had no support from anywhere from which to carry on a dialog with that sort of unreasonable attitude. My only choices were to leave or to stay and fight with the people I needed to be working in harmony with. I left and then the people who forced me to leave told the unemployment department that I had quit voluntarily and should not be eligible for benefits. I feel that the integrity of Hathaway as an institution is on a very low level, as these last encounters were really only the quality of all the previous exchanged writ large.
Personal Significance: It is still too soon to know how I will integrate the experience at Hathaway. As I write this it is only three weeks since I was forced to leave. I am in the process of appealing the unemployment decision, as I type up my documentation and begin to look for another job. In talking with a friend who is studying at the USC graduate school of social work I was able to see what was missing in my relationship with Hathaway. She describes similar confused messages from her supervisors at her field placement. But her advisor at USC was able to intervene on her behalf and point out to her supervisor that there are two sides to the issue. I have had nobody to intervene on my behalf at Hathaway, and I think it is as much to their loss as to mine. I think they are losing all their best people because when anybody rises to a level above the mediocre the administrators are so threatened that they fire them. Two of my closest friends have been fired for what I can see only as attempts to create a dialog on more humane ways to deal with the children. No dialog took place. I have had enough validation from these people and all of my friends and counselors to believe that I have run into a very poorly run institution which is probably doing a certain amount of harm to the children it seeks to help. The significance for me of this experience has been to bring to these children as high a quality of caring as I possibly could. But eventually the negative features of the system within which I worked became too great. I feel that I will be more careful in looking for my next job to see that the employees can expect some support from the people in charge.
5. Describe the methods of evaluation and feedback used during the learning experience itself.
If there was an evaluation filled out on me at any point I was not told. Most feedback came in staff meetings, from peers and supervisors. I was told that I was doing well for the first ten months or so. In the last couple of months, somewhat coincident with starting to document my learning, I began to try to involve my supervisor in dialog as to goals of the institution. The responses were very hostile. I was told that we were there to carry out policies, right or wrong, not to question any of these policies. As soon as I began to discuss alternatives to hard-line approaches we were taking toward the children I was told that I was “undermining” the program.
6. Describe the material products of this learning experience, if any.
None
7. List the forms of testimony and evaluation that you will include in your portfolio as demonstrable evidence of learning. Please attach these.
Evaluation by Lou Ray Partlow.
Related correspondence:
August 1, 1975
Dear Mara:
I am currently working weekends in Cottage 1 and 2. I have worked in the Village for eight months, the first three as a floater, and the last five on the shift I am now working.
In October I am beginning a program at Antioch College/West to get my B.A. in a specially designed program in psychology. Part of this program offers the opportunity to get college credit for relevant work experience. My stated goal is to begin to learn the skills necessary to be a psychotherapist.
As you can see from the enclosed material, to get credit for my experience at Hathaway I will need to identify a person on-site, to function as an adjunct faculty member to supervise or document my learning. I first went to Mickey Shorr, the therapist in our cottage. She went to Sue Corn, whom I called and who said to talk to you to get clearance. I would like to talk with you about the possibility of using my work at Hathaway as part of my Antioch program, and of selecting an appropriate advisor. I think this sort of focusing and dialog could be very beneficial to the cottage situation and the children. Please contact me if we could set up an appointment, at your convenience, to discuss this matter.
Yours truly,
Ed Levin
—
Jan. 3, 1976
Dear Staff –
Last Friday I was told by Pam that I should be on my good behavior for the next couple of weeks because my emotions were interfering with my work and I was undermining situations. I tried to enforce the tearing apart of the girls’ rooms the next night but it seemed very crazy and bad policy to me, and I felt really bad about it all week. “These are sick kids” and “We’ve got to teach them a lesson” but I felt like a pig all week. I also started looking for a job at places that deal with kids in a little different way.
This Saturday Terry O. asked me to come over and talk about my Antioch/Hathaway program. (She is my advisor). She had apparently read it over for the first time and said she thought it was dishonest and didn’t want anything to do with it. I told her I was pretty unhappy with this place but wanted to try to hang on til June and leave gracefully at that time. She said that if I didn’t like it here I should leave now, and repeated over and over that she suggested very strongly that I get in my car and leave immediately. After discussing this with Tim and Andrea I decided the best thing I could do was finish the shift, and I gave my notice at that time. I was planning to leave, but not this suddenly.
I deeply appreciate all transactions that have taken place here with you all and with the kids. Obviously I didn’t like a lot of what happened and it is probably best that I leave now. I only wish that I could have spread out the leaving over a longer time, but Terry is the “Coordinator of Child Care” and she did advise me very strongly to leave immediately. I can only feel that some of my more liberal and humanistic ideas were threatening to a young institution struggling to establish an identity and leaning heavily towards a mechanical, behavior-mod system. But this is just my opinion, and apparently those in charge just felt strongly enough that my presence was not helpful to this place. The end was a little sudden and confusing to me, but I love you all.
Love,
Ed Levin
EVALUATOR: Lou Ray Partlow
1. A brief self-description: your relationship with the student relative to this learning experience; professional and/or academic qualifications. You may attach a resume.
I am deeply concerned about residential treatment for children as well as treatment of children in general. At 32 years of age, I have spent the past two years working at residential treatment “homes” for children. I worked first at Vista Del Mar as a permanent full-time floater for three cottages of adolescent girls for nine months and then for over a year, the weekend shift in an all boys cottage at Hathaway Children’s Village.
As for academic achievements, I have a B.A. in English Literature. I completed a nine-
month certificate course from Cal State L.A. in Child Care Worker Training. Also in my background is six and a half years working with children and their families for New York City and Alameda County Welfare Departments as a Caseworker.
My relationship with Ed Levin is most importantly a dharma sister which includes being a fellow Zen Student of Maezumi Roshi. I have known Ed since I came to study at Los Angeles Zen Center three years ago. I worked the same schedule as Ed for eight months at Hathaway in an adjacent cottage and followed him through his experiences during his time there. My evaluation is also based on current discussions with Ed as to what he learned at Hathaway.
2. Describe the student’s learning in this experience. Mention observable growth, skill development, information mastery, aesthetic sensibility, or other evidence of acquired learning. Use the back of this sheet if necessary.
If Ed hoped to learn at Hathaway “A) To understand the overall Hathaway goals, B) To relate these to my specific duties and skills and C) To improve these duties and skills as a function of the treatment goals”, I maintain he was 100% successful and that it took him less than the proposed nine months.
In Ed’s description of new skills and knowledge, I feel he describes well the duties he mastered but leaves out much of the significant subtlety of what learning took place in mastering these. However, in an extensive discussion with Ed over a period of several days, I found him to be exceedingly rich in many awarenesses he gained in his learning processes.
In discussing his learning with him, for purposes of clarity, I put it into three broad categories: 1) Group and Cottage Management and Maintenance, 2) Paying Attention to and Maintaining Individual Children in the Group and 3) Maintaining Self.
In the first two categories, I found much of the learning we discussed came from a tension in Ed of following institutional policy which was counter to his being true to his own limits and perceptions. For example, in cleaning and maintaining the cottage, the priority of the institution (due to health standards and feared inspections) was keeping the cottage always clean. Ed’s main concern was with the children learning a natural biological rhythm in things getting messed up and then cleaned up and letting the children be responsible for their sloppiness and messes. And in discussing the third category of learning, Maintaining Self, it seemed clear to me that Ed’s original goals of understanding how Hathaway’s goals related to his specific duties and skills became focused on how he could be competent in the eyes of the institution and be authentic in himself in his capacity.
To quote Clarke Moustakas in Creativity and Conformity:
The first requirement for the growth of the individual self is that the person
remain in touch with his own perceptions. No matter how different one’s
experience is from that of others, he must trust in the validity of his own
senses if he is to evolve as a unique being. Only the person can fully know
what he sees, what he hears, and what he feels to be fundamentally true.
To the extent that he respects the authenticity of his own experience, he will
be open to new levels of learning, to new pathways of relatedness to others,
and to a genuine respect for all life.